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I'm really tired. Tired of bad first dates, the drama, the games, the lies, and the bullshit. Aren't you? The more I look around and see what's going on, the more frustrated I seem to get. People get so wrapped up in who they think they should be, they eventually become that entity.. at least in their own minds, anyhow. Just another clone, trying to fit in and be part of the crowd that they've all but forgotten who they are and what it is that made them unique in the first place. The lemming mentality has never made sense to me, and I've never understood exerting so much effort to be.. just like everybody else. What's that all about? I mean, really. Have we, as a society, become so afraid of being ourselves that we'll trade away our individuality if it means we belong? Fuck, that's scary. I may come with some baggage, but mine generally fits fairly snug into my beloved backpack. The reality is, who doesn't have some? If you think you don't, I'd have to wonder (out loud) whether you were either delusional or really sheltered.. We all have some battle wounds to show.. it's kind of how it works. I've been cut, bruised, and scraped, and yeah, I've got my fair share of scars. The funny thing is, though, that I wouldn't trade them for anything. They remind me that I've lived, that I've learned, and that I haven't given up. I don't live in the past, carry it all forward with me.. but, I'm cognizant of my mistakes. I'm not a big fan of repeating them for the sake of repeating them. To be honest, I don't know why I'm writing this. If you're still reading, what the hell is wrong with you?! :) Who'd have thunk it possible to make some sense in this jumble of words, this ramble of ideas rattling around inside my head. That's just be too crazy to be true, right? I'm honestly starting to think that there's no place out there for somebody like me. Am I wrong?. I'm not sure why it's so hard to meet somebody and have an honest connection without feeling the need to impress them with all this fringe bullshit. Why isn't who I am enough? Sue me for being and feeling lonely, even when I'm around other people. That's the sad and tragic truth of my state. I may be disenchanted with this cycle of bullshit and pain everybody seems put themselves through time and time again with people we think are who we want.. but turn out to be the furthest point away from what it is we really need. The hardest thing in life for me was to acknowledge that I'd rather be alone than sexy wives wants horny sex dating adult with the wrong person, and actually stick with it. I've had plenty of the wrong person in life, and now.. I just want it to be right if I'm going to put myself out there and through it all again. I'm not sure where I'm going with this, or what I was hoping to get at. I just sit here and read and observe all of this bullshit and I think it's so pretentious, so fucking generic. Like any of it matters. Maybe the best analogy for it all is that life is a spiraling staircase that we have to walk on to get to where we're going. The question really becomes which direction you're traveling in -- up or down. Which way are you going? I understand that there's a lot of bullshit, gaming, lying, cheating, and whatever else that goes on out there, but... Fuck. I'm not sure how much, if any of it, really makes sense outside of my own head.. but, if you get what I'm saying, maybe we should have a conversation and see what's what. If you can't say something interesting... don't shoot me a single line that makes me blink; I'd like to believe that if you've gotten this far down, then you're better than some bullshit one liner asking for a picture or whatever. I don't need the the whole story, but a little something to pique interest.. I obviously did that much, right? Prove me right, pretty please with a cherry on top?
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