Do u remember at all j w4m It started with a letter u sent then s every once in awhile to a daily thing it started off as a great friendship in April it made its way in to you showing me new areas to hike to chew with magazines, hopes and dreams never thought it would go as far as it did never for a million years thought you would see me like u did the real show started on November 1 2011 with texts asking about dinner teaching u how to text me back then it wound up in u asking me for some entertainment and sending odd pictures of random things to sending ones of me then asking for a large glass of water to be in my room and apologies for cold fingers it got hot and heavy on dirt roads not caring about your naked ass in the window in a snow storm everything was great until people started to notice at a county visit u explained u had feelings then changed your mind then unchanged your mind it went back to wonderful then pregnancy and wanna be friends and family got in the mess Drama bombed hard core fake texts and emails with regret it ended again the you cheated and I lost the baby and anger filled my jealous heart rage began to fill our lives Things change. One can only be so forgiving, until it turns into a numbness that is not of ones self. The shameful piece is the regret, of knowing what might have been, the original fantasies so clear and brilliant, faded just like the person who I thought you were. True colors always shine brightest, especially the shades of black and grey. Not wanting to do what had to be done, I shut off my flowing love and turned on my dignity, of which little remained. I know you possess no ability to change or even control your actions, which hurts me even more. I promised to never give up on you, as so many have, which is why I'm feeling so ashamed. But, what is to be said of the many broken promises I've received? The lies, deceit, disloyalty and disrespect from someone whom I was willing to give my all to? Maybe, I'll forgive and forget. Maybe, I'll continue life as I have trapped in an unjust existence just so as to have never broken a promise? Only would I do that should I feel you would do the same. You wouldn't. Your actions take but a megas stance over the faint whisper of words. The actions are what remains of who you are and how you view life. Sadly, I cannot align myself on a plain so misshapen that one cannot see the difference between the ground and the sky.The emptiness I feel now will soon subside, my dignity and pride will replace. When I look back, and re, I'm afraid I won't be able to remember any of the bad things, that only what had made me so happy and alive will be my only recollection which will produce regret. Here in lies my problem. Do I exist merely to suffer hardship and prevent a lifetime of regret, or do I pick myself up and move forward, where the bad memories fade and I am able to re the good memories of you? But with all the lies I told to make my heart feel better about the betrayal it could never go back but still no closer to getting over it all all u had to do was nothing maybe it's all me I am a basket case right u tell everyone I am crazy .. Seen u the other day all I could wonder is if maybe some where in that black heart u carry any sign of guilt? Was it really that bad to be loved by me? Unspoken words Please don't judge me for the anger i show the sadness I hide or the lies I had to tell my self to breath I turned to poisons to ease it I know u blamed your self hope u still don't I know u will never see this and I am thinking even if u do they have already brain washed u to think I am the worst thing since your ex they get so much pleasure off of knowing they broke us and tore me down they got there pay back from years before wish I would have listened to your heart and not them I am so sorry I fucked everything up I wanted to be your friend I am sorry I hope u forgive me since I will never forgive me :-( I love you Regretfully but still in love, C..A
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