An apology to "A" I owed you the truth, but I didn't think giving it to you in front of other people was appropriate. did I really know what to say after what you said. I'm flattered, and more than anything, I wish my answer could be yes. I'm sure you'll find out one way or another, and it will make things extremely awkward. I think I should do both of us a favor and stay out of your way. I should know better than this, given the heartache I went through when I was nineteen. And now thinking that I much did the same thing that was done to me makes me feel awful. Truth is, I was never the girl who got the guy. I hung out at 's Jr. the night of my junior prom. I'm not the girl who had tons of confidence with countless offers of dates. And when there was interest, I was always the booty . That whole dating thing? Yeah. I never quite figured it out. Somewhere along this road sexy wives wants casual encounter single dating ed life, I made an unsettled sort of with everything and it is what it is. No, it's not always what I imagined it would be. Sometimes I think I made a mistake, that there's another life I was meant to live. Maybe there are an infinite number of ways our lives could go, and sometimes while we are journeying one way, we come into close contact with What Might Have Been. I'm sorry that I took the coward's way out and played coy and mysterious. Bad move, and I am a total bitch for all of this. I own up to that. This is all my fault, I know it is. I'm so, so, so sorry.
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Know yourself...Because I know me! Such a weird deal. . .
Everyone on here, in one way or another is looking for the one! The one who is sweet, gentle, loving, caring, compassionate, understanding, respectful, mature, sexy, playful, passionate and the rest of the lil words that describe amazing! But ya know what I have found? Most people in society let alone on this site don't have many, if any of those qualities!
Do people not understand that you get out what you put in? That the truth now is better than the truth later? That one must put their self out there, entirely in order to truly get back what they desire? That giving to others, even if they don't see them as the end all be all partner for them is the true path to being complete? That when someone takes the time to message them. . .a simple thanks but no thanks is so much better than no reply at all or some shitty reply?
Love is an action. . .a complete, selfless, open, for the cause kind of thing and if people can't even be cordial on a dating site with people they aren't interested in they probably will just get more of the same and they will never truly find what they are looking for!
Ok. . .enough ranting!
I am a lover through and through! Not because that is the way I was taught and raised. . .but because it is not the way I was taught and raised! Meaning, I have not only learned from my mistakes, but I have also learned from the mistakes of others and I assure you, I will be damned if I continue to make mistakes that brought me and others so much grief! I am wise enough to know that you get what you put in, that the truth now is always better than the truth later, that being a giver, selfless, passionate and playful is always so much better that to be scared, tentative, expecting to be hurt and living in fear of the inevitable! Yeah. . .scared, hurt, sadness, failure and death are inevitable things! I guess I am a lil different. . .I choose to embrace the reality of life as opposed to living in complete denial! The world in one way or another is all but out to get us! Not because it's a bad, evil and nasty place. . .just because the bulk of society are takers! Me, again. . ..I am a giver that has found a way to live in the real world!
In no way am I better than anyone else or perfect, but in my opinion, being real, true, loving, caring, compassionate and open to my own faults makes me a lil different than the rest! I truly love being wrong! Because really, being wrong and or admitting ones faults, weaknesses and fears completely frees them up to be real little boys and girls! It's tacky as hell, but I've always said. . ."admitting you are a dirt bag frees you up to be a real man"
Ever since I was I was a child I knew I either didn't fit or that the way the world was just wasn't for me! For many, many of my years and through many, many failures I have finally found the strength within myself to stand up and against or at the very least I have learned to stand up for myself, my beliefs and my values!
I assure you I will never ask of you or anyone else anything I won't do or don't do myself!
I have in my life these days relationships with friends and family that are truly open, honest, respect based and awesome! Some friends and family dynamics are different. . .some are just respect sexy wives wants casual encounter single dating based and that way because I have simply learned that people are people, I can't change them and all I can control in this world is myself, my feelings and the way I react to others. I do and will continue to control my life and the lives of the ones I love. . ..yep, control! I will never let you hurt yourself without trying to help! I will never hurt you without owning it, the way it affected you and without listing many, many things I will do to ensure that it doesn't happen again! I will always stand up for the less fortunate! Yeah, I give money to bums! I will always stand up for the children of the world! Always! I will always pay and show respect to my elders! I will always have forgiveness in my heart! I will always be passionate and playful in my heart because at the very least. . .fake it until you make it!
Point is. . .I have been through, been put through and put others through enough to know that live, love and laugh is the only way!
A line from a song I wrote. . .
The path to heaven is paved in sin
You gotta go through hell before they let you in
So you might well live
You might as well laugh
You might as well love with all you have
Because you don't know when
It all could end
And not living live is the greatest sin!
In closing. . .I've seen hell, been to hell, had hell thrust upon me and I will not go back! I am wise, honest, respectful and mature and that's all I ask of others. . .stop the damn insanity and give what you expect to get!
If you too have been there, done that and are looking to make a better world for you and the ones you love. . .find me!! If not. . .well, then I pray that you will someday find yourself!
Sorry for the rant. . .it really is a positive rant believe it or not!
pic 4 pic and good luck to you all!
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