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...Im Just doing my thang, FINGERS IN THE SKY bangBanging my game... Since I promised to leave you alone and let you be... I will use *you used to read them* to vent in hopes you will see this and contact me. Life threw some major balls at us. I really did think we have gone through everything possible, that there was only a stress free and drama free life ahead of us. After Hawaii our life that we knew spun out of place so quickly that I cant even believe its been months already... What now? I was exhausted from the lack of sleep... now all I do is sleep. No energy or motivation for anything, not even a simple workout at the gym. What do you do when youve lost your best friend? The one person that never judged you and the person that comforted you with just their presence? I love you and I think I will love you for a very long time. I dont know who I am any more. I myself to go out this weekend. I was the joker from . A huge smile on my face but a hurt broken heart deep inside. Whats worse then being single and lonely IS being single, lonely and seeing dumb bimbo women out there that I would never ever want to be with. It was more depressing going out then drinking myself to sleep at home. I really want you to be happy, I want you to smile and your career to level out so you dont have to work so much. You deserve the world. Youve been dealt some fucked up cards in life and you still get up every morning and rock out. Even though you may have days you find time to appreciate life. You are a gem RA. I should have married you... I wouldnt have had a choice to run away when times got . Now I will forever look down on myself for letting you down... One thing I never did was quit.. I never fucked up... For the first time in 29years I face reality that I am far from perfect... How do you stop hating yourself for letting down someone you care about the most in the world? The one person you would never ever hurt.. Like Whaaat

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